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📍What we're talking about this issue: 
5 moves you can steal from great writers that sharpen your writing fast

Image: Public Domain Image Archive/Lisa Sargent 

Dear defender of good,

The last island of snow in our yard melted last week. Seconds later, Spring swept in, bringing an all-out ruckus of birds and tree frogs and lilies poking their shoots up through last year’s autumn leaves. 

The best fundraising writing is just like that. It sweeps you off your feet and immerses you in the experience. But to do that, you have to move the obstacles (like April snow :-)) out of the way. That’s what today’s Loyalty Letter is all about...

Sharpen Your Fundraising Writing: 
5 Craft Moves You Can Steal From Great Writers

✍️ By Lisa Sargent
Fundraising copywriter

April 2025

Great fundraising writing isn’t about sounding like an English professor. You know that already.  

Great fundraising writing happens with heart, when we sound like caring humans, in a voice that helps supporters see themselves in your story.

But that’s true for all great writing. 

It’s why some of the best methods I use to sharpen my fundraising writing come from outside fundraising – from writers famous for captivating readers beyond the nonprofit world.

Today I want to share 5 craft moves I’ve adopted from great non-fundraising writers that you can steal to sharpen your writing, too.

(1.) Steal this from Robert McKee: Front-load the good stuff.

Legendary story consultant Robert McKee and best-selling author of Story is an amazing resource for writers on so many levels. 

And when it comes to front-loading the good stuff, McKee teaches: 

You can’t make people wait to feel something. You have to engage your reader from the start. 

We’ve explored effective fundraising leads together before, from in media res to opening a time machine. (You can study really good journalism for this too.) But making sure your leads are strong is never a bad reminder, and when Robert McKee makes it one of his priorities, we all should.  

✏️ Your Robert McKee craft moves?

1. After you’ve written: Look at your fundraising letter. Cover the first few paragraphs with your thumb. Now look what’s left: chances are, your lead is buried partway down the page. 
2. Before you write: If you have an interview transcript for a story, think front-loading as you read it. What’s the biggest thing in the story that needs to be said first?
3. Apply front-loading differently: For me, front-loading is a reminder to look at all the hot spots in a fundraising appeal – lead paragraphs, page turns, postscript (PS), photos, photo captions. Aim for your highlights to sit where people read.

(2.) Steal this from Stephen King: Cut the adverbs, trust the story.

Yes, Stephen King is a horror writer. He also wrote one of the best-ever books on writing, called... wait for it... On Writing. 

King writes:

 “The adverb is not your friend.” 

 

And it’s true: to sharpen your fundraising writing, you need less adverbs, not more. 

Want a quick example? Super rough:

Over-adverbed: Amanda was really, truly, heartbreakingly sad.

Trust the story: Amanda wept rivers of pain and sorrow.

✏️ Your Stephen King craft move?

1. Run your letter through Hemingway Editor. It will count your adverbs. Look at how you can replace adverbs with harder-working (non-adverb) copy that tells more of the story. 
2. Ask: Would this still make sense if I cut every verb ending in -ly? Could I rework so it might sound clearer and more powerful?
3. Caveat: sometimes, sparingly, adverbs work. The test is to remove it or try and replace it, and see if the adverb still pulls its weight. For example if you say, For this, we are grateful. vs. For this, we are truly grateful. the case could be made for leaving in truly. 

(3.) Steal this from John McPhee: If it doesn’t belong, omit it.

If you don’t know writer John McPhee, his Draft No. 4 – On the Writing Process is wonderful. And one of the most important things he writes about writing isn’t about what you put in. It’s about what you leave – or take – out. 

It’s just like that in fundraising. 

Your reader doesn’t need to know every detail about the story. They don’t need every fact. (And they definitely don’t need faceless facts like “countless millions” or “tens of thousands.”) 

As McPhee says:

 “Let the reader have the experience.” Let them make it their own story. 

✏️ Your John McPhee craft moves?
Ask: 

• What pieces of my letter don’t add anything extra to the appeal? 
• Is there a paragraph or sentence I can cut that will still leave reader with the best parts of the story? 
• What areas of this letter am I overly attached to? (This is usually a good sign it can go.)

(4.) Steal this from Annie Dillard: Short sentences, simple words.

Simplicity doesn’t dumb down your fundraising letter. It shortens the distance between you and your readers. Author Annie Dillard (The Writing Life, plus many more) writes how shorter, emotional sentences help the truth, awe, and wonder get through. 

And in fundraising writing this is true, true, true: 

The best-performing appeals are written in the simplest language. 

Example:

Bloated: (Grade 14 reading level)

 

Thanks to your financial support of our programs, children experiencing economic hardship are able to access educational supplies and resources that help set them on a path to long-term success.

Simple: (Grade 6)

 

Today Junie shows her new backpack to everyone she sees. She’s walking into school with hope she can hold in her hands, and you helped make it happen. 

✏️ Your Annie Dillard craft moves?

Ask:

• Am I using clear, simple words to get to the heart of the story?
• Have I chosen words that feel real and human, not like jargon?
• Do I use an image (like Judie’s new backpack) to let the donor feel the emotion, vs. overexplaining? 

(5.) Steal this from Ernest Hemingway: Rest your copy. 

Ernest Hemingway (who was also a master of the short sentence) famously lived by the rule of writing one day, and editing later. 

And there’s good reason to let your copy cool in fundraising writing too – when you’re too close to your words, when it’s too hot, you lose perspective. (I know I do!)

If you really want to sharpen your writing, resting your copy after you’ve written is one of the best ways to improve. 

Even overnight is often enough, because when you come back you’ve got a bit of distance and can see through your donor’s eyes – and that’s the perspective you need.

✏️Your Ernest Hemingway craft moves?

1. Resist the urge to edit while you’re writing your first draft. Rest the copy, then come back and make changes. 
2. When you reread, ask: does anything surprise me (in a good way or a bad way)?
3. Did I step away long enough that I can forget what I meant in the passion of the moment, and see what I actually said?

Clear, emotional writing is an act of love and respect for your supporters. With so much at stake in the world, it matters that we get it right.

Thanks for reading this far, and showing you care about great writing too.

I'm glad you're here. See you in two weeks. 🙏😊✍️

Write with great heart!

PS. Thank you to everyone who wrote back with ideas for topics after last week's 13 Fundraising Formulas... and stay tuned! In the meantime if you'd like to pick up a copy of my book Thankology you can get it on Bookshop, Amazon, and Civil Sector Press – and if you can get to Dublin, Ireland for fundraising Summer School on May 20/21, I'm there with Ken Burnett (yay!) and a long list of incredibly talented fundraisers this year for loads of learning. Thanks again for being a Loyalty Letter subscriber.  😊

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